3 POEMS by Jessica Gonzalez
Swallowing the shock of Wednesday,
I stand on a train. My forehead is crinkled until
I scribble fuck, Jess, not even honest in a journal. My
silence all around me: leather-smell and skin-hush.
The lean and pull into morning and someone’s satin cheeks.
The conductor, rude one with the why I oughta voice. And the
wondering where you are. Not here to tell me I look like a painting,
naked before your dragging hair. Not smoking by the window,
ashing on to the roof. We’re not discussing dubstep or
conscious rap nor are we surveying our legs, the striking
difference. You’re not disappointing me with track marks
or a text message. Holding the pole, I’m far from the
forest of your chest, or a poem (though I get off at Brighton and
try to imagine you as a child). I’m not in your parents’
basement, asleep on a tigur fur. We’re not watching
stand-up, comatose in t-shirts. You’re not negotiating dust
or becoming a mirage. I’m not in schoolgirl
socks begging you to come around.
“I have loved my pure Muse but I have not
respected her; I have been unfaithful to her
and often took her to places that were not fit
for her to go.”
-Anton Chekhov, Letters
I have traded love for aesthetic.
and you, bitcoins for heroin.
Bodies in flower. Loveless dust.
Upset skin begging for a hint
and a hand on the thigh, old story.
Such is the violence of mornings.
We get up, drive to separate
meetings. Our portraits rattle,
find a muse. Or find nothing.
Let out your big blue arms.
There is some grace in neglect,
our found place.
When you fell did it hurt,
Angel we’ve heard on high —
Oh, lo-fi angel with
Commuter angel, non-churchgoing
St. Aquinas-reading angel.
A textbook angel.
Angel in American Apparel.
Angel eating egg-rolls,
on couch, waiting.
Angel-hairs black, parted.
Angel in love.
Draining box wine,
Oh, angel, come with me —
you who landed with grace.
Jessica A. Gonzalez is an editorial assistant and freelance writer and translator based in New Jersey and New York. She recently graduated from Rutgers University with a BA in English and also writes poetry.